Writing Challenge Day 27: If you knew she/he had to answer honestly, what would you ask

You can refer back to the 30 questions and original writing challenge post HERE

DAY 27: If you knew she/he had to answer honestly, what would you ask

Let me say the question I would have asked…I would have asked SO many men this throughout my life. In my teenage years when I was first cheated on at age 16…to most recently up to 2 years ago when my lover broke my heart…

Why? Why wasn’t I enough? All I ever wanted was to be enough…

The funny thing with this question is that I can pinpoint who I would ask this to. I would have asked this question because I did not see my own worth. My worth was placed in the hands of a man loving me. I wanted the validation from them that I was enough. It took me many years and experiences to realize that NO MAN will ever be the determination of my worth. My worth is within. I can wake up every single morning and tell myself that I love me. That I am beautiful. That I am enough. That I will NEVER give up on you. That I will ALWAYS chose me first. That no matter what…I am here for myself. I distinctly remember the time that I finally believed that. Like really believed that in the depths of my soul not the cliche “affirmations” we tell ourselves. But like to my bones believe that I was enough…

It happened during meditation. It always happens during meditation…

It happened in steps…

First that I was worth everything because I was alive and breathing.

I was beautiful the way I am.

I would wake up every morning and know that I wouldn’t bail on myself…I would chose me always and forever…each day of my existence…

No matter if I cried, was completely blissed out, angry, emotional, bitchy, laughing hysterically, depressed, tired, at deep peace within or happy…I was proud of me. All those feeling were just me and worth feeling and loving. I would never give up on myself in any of those situations nor judge them…I was worth all the feelings…

Most recently I discovered that I was a good enough mom which seemed to complete the “enough” circle…it is a beautiful story I will share soon…

The younger me would ask “Why wasn’t I enough”…The Me NOW would say…You always were enough baby, now you just know it for yourself….never doubt it again and you never have to ask that again because if you do doubt, I am here to remind you…always and forever and as many times as you need. You will never be needy because I love you just as you are. So rest peacefully knowing…I chose you. Every moment of every day until your last breath.

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