Vulnerability Hangovers

Wowza. Yesterday. Ha!

Have you Brene Brown’s book Daring Greatly? I actually think I need to get it out again and read through it. It is probably one of the books that has been the most influential in my life. Hands down top 10 and depending on the day top 5 or 3!

I learned in that book all about Vulnerability. That word scares the shit out of me still BUT I have learned to embrace it. Well … mostly embrace it because some times and days it sends me screaming in the opposite direction but most of the time I have learned that being vulnerable is SO beautiful and essential for creating MEANINGFUL relationships.

Brene has one of my FAVORITE quotes:

“Owning our story can be hard but not nearly as difficult as spending our lives running from it. Embracing our vulnerabilities is risky but not nearly as dangerous as giving up on love and belonging and joy—the experiences that make us the most vulnerable. Only when we are brave enough to explore the darkness will we discover the infinite power of our light.”
― Brené Brown

I mean I would love to expand but I feel like I could drop the mic and go get a latte with this one. Especially that last sentence! It has been a theme of my life for the past almost 4 years.

Yesterday I put up a pretty intimate post. Here is the deal and the truthfulness behind this blog and me writing, ect, ect …

I wrote this book … I wanted to say little book but in fact it is a very long novel. I have the manuscript in my home. My mom is the only one who I have let read it.

I have been drown in proposals and query letters this year and learning the ins and outs of the publishing world … And then every now and then I have to step back. And place it all down and just breath. And regroup.

I sit and think, who am I to share ALL of this. Because the first draft book that has been written is pretty raw and exposing. I sometimes wonder if I wrote it all for my own enjoyment and “therapy”. Sharing it would probably cripple me in the vulnerability department for the first few weeks when people read it and reviewed for good or for bad.

I want to say I don’t give any fucks BUT with this I do … Not so much because it is so personal or something I have worked on for years now but more because of the exposing raw details and moments. Anyways … I wonder what a “final version” would look like because one thing from the book Big Magic by Elizabeth Gilbert that stood out to me was that the book that needed to written and the book that is published look very different from each other. Especially in a memoir market.

I believe in timing and the magic of the Universe and that there is a plan and if that book stays bound in my nightstand my whole life great and if it gets published and someone decides to read it fantastic. Who knows … All I know is I trust the timing of my life.

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So anyways … This blog … I decided to start picking it back up at the beginning of this year. I got the idea from another author. She would write every single morning and just hit “send” or “publish”. No matter what. I LOVED that concept. I have a personal journal but then decided it was time to rebirth this blog.

So I started writing most every single morning and slowly it became an intricate part of my precious morning routine. I hit publish every single day. It was nothing fancy and 99% of the time I didn’t proofread because I wasn’t trying to promote this or make money off of this … It was just something I wanted to do. I started sharing on my personal Facebook page and then certain posts on Instagram. I don’t know how to really track anything … I am as helpless with internet analytics as I am with tracking my data on my swim/bike/run life (which I do ZERO of) … So I just do it to do it.

I figured … I will be posting personal posts. At times I didn’t want to hit publish. Like yesterday … OMG I was thinking in my head I sounded like a 5 year old girl complaining of bad dreams but I didn’t care because I needed to write it and I hit send.

Before my sassy lipstick during triathlon post I legit was almost sick in my stomach because I thought … Well I say fuck a fair amount in this post and people can take this the wrong way ….

BUT

I promised myself I will always hit “publish” so every post I write on here gets published. I honor my promises to myself. Especially this one.

I need to practice being vulnerable. And sharing my story. My daily stories. So here I am and this is where I practice. Being open. Being vulnerable. And getting over the “vulnerability hangovers” day in and day out. Because they are REAL!

“Vulnerability sounds like truth and feels like courage. Truth and courage aren’t always comfortable, but they’re never weakness.”
― Brené Brown, Daring Greatly: How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead 

So last night the post sparked a conversation with my neighbors. Now I live in the most picturesque childhood neighborhood. Our slew of kids just run wild all day and until the sun goes down. In and out of each other’s houses. Playing on their bikes and scooters. Running. Night games. Popsicles. Laughter. Bliss. Everyone in my neighborhood fiercely has each other’s backs and we guard our tribe of little ones! We gather outside and watch them play while we chat and enjoy a glass of wine on some nights in our camp chairs. I have travelled the world but THOSE moments are the ones I live for. These summer nights.

We got talking last night about the post and one thing lead to the next … And I ended up sharing my entire story.

“If we can share our story with someone who responds with empathy and understanding, shame can’t survive.”
― Brené Brown

The bonds that you create when you SHOW up and SHARE yourself are powerful. When you receive love for sharing it rewires your brain. You become more courageous, gentle and accepting. Accepting of yourself and of others. It is a beautiful thing to show up just as YOU and be loved for it. We all hugged it out at the end of the night and I went in and thanked God and the Universe for this moment. For every single thing in my life that brought me to THIS moment. My heart was free from the torment of my previous night finally.

Love freaking ALWAYS wins you guys. LOVE heals EVERYthing!

You know what is the coolest thing about being a human … ???

We ALL have the most beautiful and incredible stories. Of love and overcoming. Of bliss and pain. Of happiness and fear.

SHARE THEM!!!!!!! Start TODAY!

Make yourself a promise that you will begin to SHOW UP a little more of YOURSELF to someone or everyone for that matter. Tell bits and pieces of your story. Share the darkest and scariest parts of yourself. Preferably if you are just starting to share, make it with someone you love and in a safe place. Plant seeds. Listen to other people’s stories of triumph. Like really LISTEN. Learn. Share. Grow together. Forge bonds with strangers you will never see again.

“Staying vulnerable is a risk we have to take if we want to experience connection.”
― Brené Brown
Take the risk my friends. Connection is worth everything. Be brave and bold to BE YOU. Because YOU is pretty freaking rad and there is NOBODY on earth like you and there never will be. Your story is unique because only you can tell it. And I promise you, there is someone out there that needs YOUR story. So share. Love hard. And we can rise together by connecting and weaving our stories.
Love you guys!
—————-

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Email: StephanieRaeYoga@gmail.com

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7 comments

  1. Michelle says:

    I love this post (well, I love all of your posts!), but this book changed my life, too, and the way you incorporated the book’s messages into this story was such a powerful reminder of the lessons of the book. Thank you for sharing everyday! I look forward to reading what you write every day!

    xoxo
    Michelle

  2. Meggie Meyer says:

    Love this so much! And love your vulnerability, openness and honesty! I have loved reading your blog! Keep rocking on and being YOU! And you are right, EVERY one has a story, pain, healing, good and bad, but when we are able to share all of that for someone else’s good or God’s glory its a beautiful, redeeming thing!

  3. Robin says:

    Just wanted to say that I read that post you’re talking about here, the one about night terrors, a while back, soon after you wrote it I think. I was flipping through my Feedly posts at an admittedly horrible, absolutely inappropriate-for-cell-phone-browsing time—like at a red light or something. And in that short distracted, stolen moment, that post clutched at my heart and really moved me. I didn’t comment because I didn’t quite know what to say, and obviously I needed to re-focus my attention on what it should have been on all along immediately after. But it felt really powerful.

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