Hindsight…

Is Hindsight REALLY 20/20 …

OR

Just a bitch?

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So I have this routine where I meditate every morning. Meditation can mean different things to most people and it has meant just quiet breathing, sitting for one “hippy yoga” song, singing a song, repeating mantra but as of late it involves mostly talking with God. You can call it prayers but I prefer just chatting with God. Why? Because I am pretty much in my infancy still of building a relationship with God again and prayers to me is too much of “thee” and “amen” and not as much “God…I am here. I am showing up to have our morning chat and this is what I was thinking we should discuss today”. It is NO less reverent in my mind to speak to God as he KNOWS me and hears me. And that is one of the three things I know for sure about God…He knows me.

So today I was having my morning chat with God and then I just sat and had some quiet time before I began to write in my daily journal (another morning routine of mine). And this thought about hindsight hit me.

BECAUSE….

I realized how entirely and completely ready I was for my life, opportunities and new ventures the beginning of this year but how now in HINDSIGHT … I was SOOOOOOO incredibly and completely NOT ready. And that is the 20/20 bitch part.

Isn’t it funny? How you can FEEL something so strongly and push and pull and tug and feel like you are banging your head against the wall for something because you KNOW it is what you want and what is best for your life right NOW and yet it is brick wall after brick wall and all that banging finally is giving you a headache.

Well today … this morning … I realized that should be the number one sign … that headache from all the banging BUT most of the time we (and when I say we I mostly mean I …) am too stubborn because I know what it best for me damnit!

I realized that I was NOT ready for the opportunities and small cracks in the windows and tiny door openings because I was SO caught up on something else that I literally had NO more space in my head and I couldn’t see the opportunities of my life because my mind was clouded. I am not judging myself because it was what it was but I see more clearly with a little less fog.

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This morning during meditation I decided to stop thinking about when am I going to get that sliver of the door opening that I can jam my foot into and head through the door to the dreams and opportunities I desire. WHEN will I find the door? Or is it a window? What does it look like? I am working on this trust thing with God right now so it has also been … I trust that the crack, window or door of fate, destiny or opportunity will come too.

Instead I thought back to every single time my life was guided and led without me even realizing it. Every single time someone who was a stranger the day before was brought into my life the next day and changed my course. Every single act of “fate” or destiny or luck or whatever you want to call it. And WOW … If you sit down and reflect on THIS … Your perspective changes really quick. You see how intricately your life has been woven from a pattern of seemingly small events that were actually life altering. And you feel humble gratitude to the Universe for this beautiful life it is weaving.

With less fog in your mind and more focus on the possible …

With more mindfulness and less pushing and pulling …

With more TRUST in yourself and whatever universe, God or power you believe in …

LIFE and goals become more clear.

The steps you need to take DAILY become more apparent and realistic.

I really do think hindsight is a bitch … Almost there just to mock us. BUT also to teach us. And maybe humble us a little. So I guess I really am SORTA grateful for it. Kind of. Sometimes. Depending on my mood.

Although I think I prefer Elsa from Frozen’s “hindsight perspective”….

It’s funny how some distance makes everything seem small…

And the fears that once controlled us…

Can’t get to us at all. 

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There is so much truth in that one phrase. If you have a headache from banging your head against the wall of dreams, hopes, opportunities you want or a life you envision … Stop banging for just FIVE minutes. Five. That is all I am asking.

Find a quiet space. Go out to your garage in your car if you have to…sit in a closet…just find 5 minutes of QUIET. And then sit. And breath. And think back to all the times something wonderful happened. To all the times you saw the crack in the door and were able to slide your foot in and then open the door of opportunity. To all the people that walked up from behind without you knowing and said hey lets take this path and THAT person and THAT path was actually the exact path you needed and THAT person was the only one who could see it.

We ALL have these moments. These experiences. So take just those 5 minutes and recall each and every one of them.

When you are done, I bet you find yourself smiling. I bet your headache is gone.

Because when we realize life’s most unexpected moments come from us simply showing up each day and living our lives the best we can … It takes away the complexity of having to do it all TODAY … And Life says to us …

“Do what you can today, big or small, just keep showing up. I got this life for you sweetheart. I won’t let you down. I know there are highs and lows but I got your back. And you couldn’t even imagine what I have in store for you. The beauty you will see. The bliss you experience. The love you will share. Just keep showing up for me love. Everyday. And if you don’t one day that is ok. Because I will show up for you. Over and over again. Always. And forever. And I promise you … The best is yet to come. There will be windows and doors appear that you didn’t even realize exist. I see them clearly and will show them to you just as I have done in the past. Remember all those times and people. Remember. And trust the timing of your life.”

Silhouette of a woman doing yoga on the beach at sunset

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3 comments

  1. B says:

    I love your perspective and relationship with God. This is so encouraging to read. I hope to have more one on one time with my Father, my creator, my Lord. Thank you for sharing such a great balance and being a great role model.

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