Can we just call this “Mind-Dump Monday”?
I am having one of those crazy mornings. Ok. I guess at 5am it can’t be too crazy. But crazy in my head. Where you wake up in the wee hours of the night and your mind suddenly has decided to think about solving the mysteries of the Universe. Or your life. Basically the same things at times, right?
So then you doze back off and wake up early again. I make a fire and a cappuccino and get ready for meditation. Then the entire coffee falls over and spills and you remember it is Monday and stuff like that just happens on a Monday. So you brew another cup and go back to meditate. Gratitude is our Enlighten Yoga Meditation Theme for our 40 Day Challenge. Well … I am a bit annoyed about the coffee probably staining the curtains, carpet and my couch BUT at least I have coffee, curtains, couch and carpet … oh and the coffee again. Truly grateful for that this morning. So instead of thinking, I listen to the beautiful song of mantra we picked out for the theme and just SHOW UP for the day. To God. To the Universe. To Myself. To my Dreams. I feel peace and then the wave of tears come. Do any of you just cry because you’re probably tired or for no reason other than sometimes tears just start flowing and you can’t really explain it? Or am I just a big baby! HA! As I sit longer I realize maybe deep down something is trying to release through the tears. My inner spirit is trying to tell me something I am not “feeling”. So I sit and try to listen to the mantra and just cry for a minute and “feel”.
And here is what I discovered.
I think … or rather I know … but saying think makes me feel “stronger” … I am scared.
Being scared is Vulnerable.
Being scared is being Visible.
Being scared is being TERRIFIED EVERYTHING WILL GO WRONG.
But most of all …
In this moment for me …
Being scared is being BRAVE.
Yesterday I was talking with someone who is someone I trust and a very close friend. Someone who has been in life for years now and even if we go months without seeing each other, we pick up where we left off. There is a level of understanding and trust AND comfort that is that “Real kinda Shit”. You know what I am talking about. Nothing fake. Just that “Real kinda Shit” friendship that means the world to someone like me that keeps and runs in a VERY tight inner circle.
Back to Being scared is being BRAVE.
I was talking to this person about a lot of the projects I have going on. About a lot of the behind the scenes kinda shit that you don’t see on my blog, Instagram or Facebook. It is IMPOSSIBLE to share our whole life even if what we share is an authentic portrayal.
This person always says these “one liners” that stick with me. I have actually wrote most of them down throughout the years even though they don’t know this. This was the one from yesterday summed up:
Everything is falling into place. Last time we talked there was so much “what ifs” and “what nows” … And now you KNOW.
It was said more eloquently but that is what I took from the conversation.
Yup you guys. This above statement is true. I do KNOW now. The daily grind of showing has paid off and I have a clear vision. Pieces are falling into place like they never have before. Ideas and dreams are manifesting.
I have admitted to having a few REALLY low times this year. I have had a lot of good as well but this year had some huge rough patches that I had to fight through. But it taught me SO much. And I needed them to grow into the woman I am today. Right now on November 21, 2016.
So the tears during meditation.
Being scared is being BRAVE.
I picked up Elizabeth Gilbert’s book BIG MAGIC once again and have started rereading it. I NEVER reread books but this book I really wanted to go back through and highlight and underline and block out passages because I NEED this book now like I have never needed before.
It hit me when she said this:
“Do you have the courage to bring forth the treasures that are hidden within you?”
Surely something wonderful is sheltered inside you. I say this with all confidence, because I happen to believe we are all walking repositories of buried treasure. I believe this is one of the oldest and most generous tricks the universe plays on us human beings, both for its own amusement and for ours: The universe buries strange jewels deep within us all, and then stands back to see if we can find them.
The hunt to uncover those jewels — that’s creative living.
The courage to go on that hunt in the first place — that’s what separates a mundane existence from a more enchanted one.
The often surprising results of that hunt — that’s what I call Big Magic.
“He told them that they must live their most creative lives as a means of fighting back against the ruthless furnace of this world. Most of all, though, he asked his students to be brave. Without bravery, he instructed, they would never be able to realize the vaulting scope of their own capacities. Without bravery, they would never know the world as richly as it longs to be known. Without bravery, their lives would remain small — far smaller than they probably wanted their lives to be.”
I have BELIEVED in this Brave Creative Living for a long time now. Many years. I have tried my hardest to LIVE it. Following curiosities, wandering, exploring, uncovering passions, TRYING new and strange things (aka swimming laps!), trying to read and expand my knowledge through books and poetry, travel, less “things” and more experiences, listening to people and meeting new people, showing up every.damn.day for myself and being BRAVE enough to say “not this or that” even if I pursued it, failed or just realized maybe I simply wasn’t as curious as I thought when I first started.
I wrote to someone weeks ago now this phrase:
I do not know where to start and it is overwhelming thinking of where to begin so I am just going to BEGIN.
And I did.
It is scary to LIVE outside your comfort zone. I have been through the fire this year and then the past few months have had to step outside my realm of control and have been challenged intellectually, socially, physically and CREATIVELY more than ever before in my life likely. Or at least a close second.
It is exciting and scary.
To know that you’ve discovered some of those “jewels” within. To know that you are about to make a leap of faith. Trust your instincts and follow your heart all at once.
Being BRAVE is SCARY.
And that is ok.
I don’t want a mundane existence, I want the ENCHANTMENT. The MAGIC. I don’t want to live the smallest version of my life. I want the FULLEST! I want to be one of the DREAMERS and DOERS of the world. Taking chances. Taking risks. Learning to FLY after I take the leap. Defying traditional and living WILD. That is who I AM. My spirit. My heart. Me.
So stay tuned the next few months….
Things are about to get FUN!