The biggest struggle I hear from Single Moms is the isolation factor. We are suddenly in a tribe by ourselves. We used to do couple activities with friends and also as families with our kids. Everything has changed now.
One thing we want everyone to realize is that
We are STILL a family.
It may look different than a “traditional” family but we consider ourselves a family nonetheless.
And we would like to be treated in the same way that you would treat any other family.
I want to dispel any thoughts you may have about us Single Moms and our family unit and give some insight into our minds.
- We won’t feel awkward if you invite us to do family things with you and your “traditional” looking family. In fact, we welcome it! We would love to be included in family nights, dinners, holidays and events. We want our children to have the same opportunities to bond with friends and other parents. We want them to have a strong sense of community and familiarity just as you want for your children. We want to be sitting with the adults when our children come in caked in mud and destroy the house and start fighting with each other and playing night games until all hours of the evening on a summer night. We are ok if there are only couples around. We want to be looked at as a family and not a single mom with some kids. So invite us along! We promise it isn’t awkward for us and makes us feel a little more loved and less isolated.
- We may be single but we aren’t out to get your husband. If we are a single mom, we have likely gone through a divorce and trust me when I say, we don’t want to fuck with your family because no matter how it went down or how good of a relationship you maintain with your ex, it still sucked. Why would we want to cause chaos in our friend’s families or anyone’s for that matter. We are already juggling enough, we don’t want to juggle a man that has ANY strings attached to anyone, let alone a family, let alone our FRIEND’s family! Now as a generalization, I actually feel like Single Mom’s are more hard core “Girl’s Girls” than any breed of women out there. Have a little faith in us and our loyalty to women.
- “But my husband won’t like being left out if it is just a woman and her kids at our house” … Yeah I get I’m not bringing over a man to stand outside and grill with you, watch and talk sports or even just to be another male in a room … But let’s be honest … Especially you women … I mean REALLY … Like REALLY how much does your husband REALLY like your friend’s husbands. I get there are good matches for couple friends but from what I hear over and over again … Most husbands roll their eyes secretly or outwardly that they have to hang out with a certain husband of a friend. Soooooo does it really matter if I am bringing over a man that they will have to have small chatter with? Or maybe, just maybe … the three of us adults can laugh together while the kids play and that is simply enough. Or maybe the girls end up talking more, the kids are playing and the husband can slip away and have a little bit of alone time. Or maybe, the husband secretly likes that he gets to be involved in the girl talk and hear about the crazy adventures in single life dating and give his advice! Or maybe, we like sports just as much as you do so we can talk the talk if you invite us over to watch a game. Point being … Take a chance on us … and us alone. And hell, I don’t know a husband alive that wouldn’t love the opportunity to eventually be able to judge up and down a man we do bring over one day! Ha!
- We want our kids to have positive male roll models. Even if their own father deserves a medal for being the best dad in the world after a divorce, we want more than just a single male roll model. We want our kids to see the way men treat their wives in a loving way. We want to show them a healthy relationship. We want someone that can say, let’s ALL go throw a ball around. Or a man who will bring all the kids to the park one day. Or build something with them. We simply want our kids to have positive associations and relationships with responsible, respectable GOOD men. So the more we can be around friends and families that provide this, the more our own children thrive.
These are just a few things we wanted you to know. We just want to be treated as a “normal” family, even if we are a far cry from normal. So next time you plan to go to the pumpkin patch or have a movie night with other friends and family, we are totally ok flying solo with our kiddos to the party so take a chance on us.