Ahhhhh, what a crazy week and it is only Tuesday night. I have currently only slept 2 hours in the past 45 hours.
If you read my post yesterday, that one was partially my fault because I drown myself in a book which lead to a messy breakdown until the wee hours of the AM, followed by more and more reading. And of course, because I am in weird headspace of sharing a lot of myself on here, I wrote about all the dirty details. Because I want to be able to show up to this world as ME. And I am using these vulnerable posts as practice for something greater that is swirling into creation.
You guys, I didn’t want to write that post. It may SEEM that it is easy for me to share the intimate feelings of my heart, but I was broken down when I wrote that and was crying 97% of the way through. I felt weak but gained strength through the written words and being honest. When YOU guys reached out to me and said, “Me Too” I knew that we were making connections that were more powerful than the weakness we feel when we breakdown. They were comforting and brought solidarity to a subject that is “taboo” … Not being OK. You guys wrote back. By your openness and vulnerability we are creating a new space to SPEAK and LIVE our truths …
This is what you said:
“I can’t wait to see you and be “Not Ok” together.”
“I feel you. I haven’t been OK for a long time.”
“I am right there with you”
How are those not the most liberating statements on the planet.
What I learned over the course of the past 45 hours is that post NEEDED to be written for US.
What transpired AFTER all that messy talk … that is where the magic lies my friends.
What I have learned for SURE is that:
Breakdowns lead to Breakthroughs
With situations. With people. With life.
I had three MASSIVE breakthroughs yesterday.
One with a situation. A simple text. Sometimes when you hear and then say the phrases, I am never leaving, My love is never changing or No matter how hard you could try to push me away, I am not going anywhere … It leads to a breakthrough with a situation.
One with a person. A phone call. A persistent person who said, I don’t care that you are running. You run. I will talk. You just have to listen. A tender exchange that lead to a breakthrough with a person.
One with life. From hundreds of butterflies, to weird noises, beautiful birds and magical “coincidences”. Sometimes God and the Universe speak so loudly to you, that you have no choice but to BELIEVE.
It is OK to breakdown I learned. Every single one of those tears was worth that text, that phone call and the magical signs in front of my eyes yesterday. It is OK for YOU to breakdown. In the lowest of lows or even just the kinda lows, remember this mantra:
Breakdowns lead to Breakthroughs
And that goes for ALL of us.
I ran 10 miles on my beautiful trails and left everything I had on them. I picked flowers and played in a waterfall. Those trails are my solace and running is my peace. I get the answers and sign from the Universe when I run. It is a spiritual kind of practice for me, that crazy running and “TRIing” I do…
I spent time working with my partner in crime, Jess at ENLIGHTEN YOGA, shooting videos and getting prepped for our workshop this weekend and for the month of October. We announced our theme which is Releasing Anger and you can see what this means and what this is all about on our FACEBOOK PAGE. We also have this incredible TESTIMONIAL you can watch on how this practice is truly changing lives around the globe.
Question of the Day
To find the 30 questions I will be answering this month … check back to THIS original blog post.
21. Write a letter to your future self.
This is funny because I had this conversation in my head before I knew this was the question. I have been staring at a screen for almost 24 of the past 45 hours which is why I didn’t sleep much. I am writing this on fumes.
What I want to tell my future self which is really kind of myself now but I guess as every second goes by it is a new “future self” so I can say it now to future self in 3 seconds who needs this reminder today:
Do you ever feel like:
All the hard work…
The behind the scenes blood, sweat and tears…
The day in and day out of showing up…
Just all of it. Is maybe for nothing?
Or maybe you believe it is for something but it can’t possibly be what the something you actually want is?
Maybe you are just on the entirely WRONG path into a dark tunnel that leads to nowhere…
Do you ever just wonder WHEN and HOW?
I do. A lot.
Something I learned in Ironman and Marathon training is this TRUTH:
Trust the Process.
And these side truths followed:
Do the WORK and the results WILL come.
Day in and Day out.
Step by Step
Trust your “training”.
Because the REALLY big dreams you just can’t and are NOT supposed to let go of … You know the ones I am talking about because YOU have them too.
Well, guess what?
Nothing comes for free.
They are coming.
IT is coming and IT is going to be great.
Trust the Process